I was in Pittsburgh this last weekend for a wedding. I had somehow forgotten what Pennsylvania looked like in the fall. I remember in college it was one of my favorite times of the year, especially the long weekend we had in October. It was usually over my birthday weekend, and right at the time that the leaves were hitting their peak colors. These pictures really do no justice to the vibrant, beautiful colors that looked like they were painted on the hillsides.
These are a few pictures that have been milling around on my camera for the last couple months.
This weekend, I found out that I've been the subject of gossip and speculation among my former high school classmates.
On Friday night, I was walking around a local open-air mall, noticed someone waving frantically at me from inside one of the shops. It happened to be a girl I had been friends with during high school. I haven't seen her in probably 4 years, maybe 5 years, whatever, it's been a while. Her first words were, "Oh my god, it's so great seeing you. Actually, I was just talking about you today!" During the course of the conversation, she also said, "So have you found a good woman yet?" Um, excuse me?
On Saturday, I ran into another friend from high school at a car wash. I've known him since kindergarten, but we haven't seen each other in probably 6 years. We got to talking, asking about each other's families and what we've been doing for the last few years. Then he says, "Meimur, we go back a long time, I don't want to offend you, you can totally smack me if I do, but someone told me you're gay?" What. The. Fuck?
Now, I'm not secretive about being bisexual. If someone asks, I'll tell them, but otherwise, I don't feel the need to advertise it, and normally people don't ask. I don't go around saying, "Hi, my name is Meimur, and I'm bisexual, how are you?" The thing is, no one around here really knows. In fact, the last time I saw the girl, I hadn't even admitted it to myself, let alone anyone else. Since I moved back home, I've had more sexual contact with males around here then females, and that's not saying much. I don't care if people know.
It's just a strange feeling knowing you're being talked about. Even if the girl had said 'remembered you' as opposed to 'talking about you', I might not be as weirded out as I am. Remembering is more of a singular activity. Talking about you implies discussing, speculating, gossiping, which can end with inaccurate information being spread about you.
I knew in generations past, gossip could spread pretty quickly through my town. I had thought my town had grown enough in size that it wouldn't be a factor for my generation, apparently, I was wrong!
I have a friend who is Mormon. He's been attending BYU for the last few years, and is home this week visiting his family. Tonight, him, my friend D, and I went to dinner, where upon my arrival, before he even said hello, he looked up and announced, "I'm gay".
I just shrugged and said, "Okay". I could tell he was scared, drinks arrived shortly after that, and he took a huge gulp of his Cosmo. That's another thing, he used to never drink, now he does.
I'm worried about him. I know he's not entirely alright with his decision, he doesn't know how to reconcile his religious beliefs with his sexuality. He has completely stopped going to church. He's terrified of telling his mother because he is afraid she'll make it so he'll never be able to see his sister and brothers (all much younger then him). I feel so bad for him. Coming out to yourself, let alone others, can be so hard.
After dinner, walking out to our cars, I gave him a big hug and said, "Congratulations, I'm proud of you!"
